How being radically unambitious and selfish will change the world for the better
Lately I was speaking to a good friend. I told her: “I think I’m done doing big ambitious projects. In fact I’m done trying to change the world. I’m happy if I can change a little part of the world or even doing something that really matters to a single person.”
She was quiet for a bit. And then she said;
“ I can’t make up my mind if you are incredibly wise or incredibly selfish.”
Then we both laughed like we are always able to laugh at whatever crossroad we find ourselves on. But the questions lingered with me. Am I just being selfish or is there sense in being unambitious?
A few years ago I found myself having to focus on my health and I decided to ban all toxins from my diet. I had been working on the climate and on sustainability for quite some time. But this decision was not inspired by principles but by my own personal health. The decision to focus on my smallest circle of influence made all the problems of the world suddenly very real. The plastic in the ocean matters, but was not a primary concern when I was going round the market with my reusable jars. The pesticides in the ground mattered, but what I had my eye on were all the good bacteria that were all over the dirty carrots I bought. And suddenly all the processed food in the supermarket disgusted me more for it’s ingredients that for it’s unfair labour or ridiculous carbon footprint.
In the past years we have all been confronted with the vulnerability of our own body. The full realization that we are in essence living breathing beings that are vulnerable to outside threats and that something tiny like a virus can in fact kill us, is quite a rude awakening for many of us, but also very grounding. Perhaps it even helped us realize that we were never in control in the first place. That control over our environment is an illusion. Albeit an illusion we are reluctant to let go of.
Together with our collective grounding, we have found ourselves in a new professional reality as well.
One in which some professions are considered more essential than others, notably the professions we value least financially. But beyond monetary value, what does it mean to be a successful teacher or a successful nurse? How do we define success for a profession that is essentially about making others grow or feel good rather than ourselves?
I find our vocabulary falls short in describing success as being defined by the wellbeing of others and yet it seems the only definition that holds up. Just like ‘unschooling’ has gained popularity in terms of questioning the mainstream idea of education. Perhaps being radically ‘unambitious’ is a good term to describe a different pathway.
When I was thirty five I was listed as one of the most successful young women of the Netherlands. And I have to admit being stuck a feather up your arse like that has you wanting more but at the end of the day the costs and benefits do not work out. Not only because we are implicitly expected to make certain sacrifices for this type of success and it is considered normal to spend most our waking hours on work and when we are not working to be continuously talking about work. But mostly because success itself seems the goal as well as the path. By celebrating our success on stage, pitching ideas or writing witty blurbs on social media we perpetuate the notion of success which in itself requires constant maintenance. In order to maintain the illusion of success we need to keep feeding it our energy. Together we keep the machine turning.
What happens if we stop?
The answer is: nothing.
Stepping out of this collective illusion is perhaps the most social thing to do at this time.
And this makes me wonder if is there necessarily a trade-off between being selfish and being social?
Adam Smith marked the beginning of capitalist thought in which the dominant notion is that if the actors behave in their best interest it creates ‘an invisible hand’ that directs society in the proper direction. So being selfish is actually good.
I never thought I’d say this. But maybe Adam Smith was in fact right. If indeed we were free we would probably make choices that were good for us and that would benefit society as a hole. However the problem is that most of us are not free. Or at least we often do not feel free, we need money to pay bills, send our kids to school and buy food. So we have this really elaborate concept of the market and labour. And more and more our identity has become our role in that elaborate system. And our freedom has become limited to our freedom to choose what we buy and we are fundamentally detached from creation, just a wheel in a clock. Perhaps that’s where success serves us. Because at least it makes us feel we are an amazing wheel in an amazing clock!
I believe there is also a right approach to being selfish.
The type of selfish that I have in mind is the type where we choose health over convenience. We choose meaning over status. And we choose freedom over obligation. If we reason from this type of freedom I could very well imagine that the aggregate of choices would lead to the society that I want. Yes I. Very selfish.
A society in which success is measured by our meaning for others. One in which we are free to choose what is right for us, rather than being driven by an abstract idea of success. And preferably one in which we get paid decently for doing so. If getting closer to that reality means being utterly unambitious and selfish, that’s what I plan to do this year. And possibly the world will be a little better for it. Maybe if you join me, we can together start to redefine success and find meaning at ground level.
